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What Not To Say To Someone Who Has Lost A Loved One To Suicide

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Losing a loved one to suicide is a particularly painful and complex grieving experience.

“Those who are struggling with the loss of someone to suicide experience extreme emotions ― guilt, fear, anger, shame, sadness, loss, etc. ― and they often feel very alone,” Dan Reidenberg, executive director of Suicide Awareness Voices of Education, told HuffPost. “Suicide loss survivors often think people close to them don’t know what to say and therefore don’t say a lot, which only increases their sense of shame and humiliation.”

Loved ones are often left grappling with impossible questions, feelings of regret and blame, and a sense of isolation. Unfortunately, the people around them may say things that reinforce negative beliefs and emotions as well.

“Language can perpetuate confusion, misinterpretation, lack of understanding and the fear around the issue of suicide,” Reidenberg said. “Understand that the person who lost someone to suicide is likely to be having a very difficult time making sense of the world, their loss and even how to accept supportive comments from others. Thus it is helpful to be aware of the common reactions someone might have after losing someone to suicide and how you can best be there for them with words that help, support and show you care.”

Of course, there’s no perfect thing to say in this heartbreaking situation ― and most attempts at comfort are incredibly well-intentioned. That said, there are some pitfalls to avoid.

“It is important to be mindful about how you talk about suicide, ensuring the words we use don’t increase hopelessness and stigma but, instead, offer survivors of suicide loss with a safe space to land as they navigate their own grief,” said Kim Torguson, director of engagement and communications at the National Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention.

Below, experts share the words that are not helpful and their advice for how to approach a grieving loved one.

‘I know how you feel.’

“We sometimes act impulsively when responding to someone who lost a loved one by saying that we know how they feel or that things will get better in time,” said Nance Roy, chief clinical officer at the mental health organization The Jed Foundation. “But unless one has lost someone to suicide themselves, they will not really know how it feels or when and how time may help.”

Avoid giving generalized advice like “time heals everything” or predicting the course their grief journey will take. Remember that everyone’s situation and response is complex and different.

Instead of immediately bringing your own emotions into it, ask your loved one how they feel.

“Make sure that you are expressing yourself with compassion [and] care and convey that while you might not know exactly how they feel, you do care and you do want to be there for them,” Reidenberg said. “Being there means being available when they need to talk and being willing to listen, empathetically. Often it is less about what you do say and more that you are willing to listen to their pain.”

‘At least they’re no longer in pain.’

“It is important not to make statements such as ‘they are in a better place now’ or ‘they are finally out of their pain,’” Reidenberg said.

A “better place” comment is particularly unhelpful if your friend has different spiritual beliefs, so keep that personal religious outlook to yourself.

“Saying things like ‘at least he/she/they are no longer in pain’ can be difficult for a loved one to hear, even if it is meant with the best of intentions,” added Racine Henry, a therapist and owner of Sankofa Marriage and Family Therapy. “The idea of a pain so profound that it results in the loss of someone who is loved may not make sense to a person who has never considered suicide as an option.”

Chanintorn Vanichsawangphan / EyeEm via Getty Images

The language you use when talking about suicide can either help or hurt mental health stigma.

‘That was selfish of them.’

“It’s important to avoid framing someone’s death by suicide as ‘selfish’ or ‘cowardly,’” Torguson said. “People who die by suicide are in extreme pain, feel like they are a burden to others, and often see no alternate way to move forward.”

Describing the person who died as selfish or cowardly is judgmental and ignores the reality there’s a severe psychological and physical condition they’re experiencing. While a loved one grieving the suicide might express these sentiments, it’s not your place to say that to them.

Rather than passing judgment on the way their life ended, try to focus on the person who was lost.

“I would be sure to acknowledge more of the deceased’s life beyond how they died,” said Doreen Marshall, vice president of mission engagement at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. “Say the deceased’s name, share memories with their loved ones, and recognize that the person who died had a life that was so much more than just how they died.”

‘They probably did it because of ______.’

“It’s important to try to avoid oversimplifying suicide by trying to attribute someone’s death by suicide to a single cause or circumstance ― such as a relationship ending, job loss or bullying,” Torguson said.

Those who’ve lost a loved one to suicide may try to make sense of why it happened and struggle with many unanswered questions. Your guesses about a specific reason for their suicide are not helpful and show ignorance of the complexity of the issue.

“I would avoid anything that indicates that this was a death that had a single cause,” Marshall echoed. “Suicide occurs due to complex biological, psychological and environmental factors that converge in an individual in a moment where they believe there is no other option to end the pain they are in.”

‘Is there anything you wish you had done differently?’

“It is imperative not to imply that the person who lost someone to suicide might have been able to intervene,” Roy emphasized.

Many people already wrestle with feelings of self-blame even without these kinds of questions and comments from others.

“Suicide is a complex, multi-faceted public health issue that often leaves a wave of complicated grief for those left behind — family members, friends, colleagues, neighbors, etc.” Torguson said. “Survivors of suicide loss are often left grappling with questions such as ‘why?’ ‘what could I have done?’ or ‘how did I miss the warning signs?’”

Ruminating over all the weeks, months and years leading up to the loss doesn’t lead to healing, so don’t encourage this.

“You should definitely not blame anyone for the loss, including the person who has passed away,” Henry said. “It won’t be helpful to go over all the things that could have or should have happened differently.”

Similarly, Reidenberg advised against saying, “You tried everything that you could to save them.”

“You definitely do not want to imply or give the perception that the person who has died did so to make someone angry or to get back at them in revenge,” he explained.

Instead, try to remove any notion of blame from the equation. Provide a safe space for them to share their emotions and offer whatever support you can.

“It is helpful to remind them that they are not alone and important to convey that they are not to blame nor responsible for their loved one’s death,” Roy said.

Using the term "committed suicide" can imply wrongdoing — almost as if it is a crime — which contributes to mental health stigma. Suicide is complex, and it often happens after intense emotional and physical pain.
Using the term “committed suicide” can imply wrongdoing — almost as if it is a crime — which contributes to mental health stigma. Suicide is complex, and it often happens after intense emotional and physical pain.

‘They successfully committed suicide.’

“While we want to talk openly and honestly about suicide and suicide prevention, it’s important to keep in mind that the words we use can either promote hope and help-seeking or further stigmatize those who may be struggling or cause those who have lost someone to suicide to feel judged or ostracized,” Torguson said.

Phrases such as “committed suicide” or “successful suicide attempt” may seem like innocuous statements of fact. But experts warn that these word choices can be harmful by adding to the stigma around mental health struggles and preventing people who are struggling from seeking help.

“I would avoid any judgmental language,” said Dr. Jacek Debiec, an assistant professor in Michigan Medicine’s department of psychiatry. “For some people, the phrase ‘to commit suicide’ has judgmental connotations. ‘Commit’ is often used in the context of committing a crime.”

Reidenberg echoed that sentiment, noting that “commit” tends to be associated with a crime or a sin. We don’t say someone “committed” heart disease or cancer.

Instead, the phrase “died by suicide” is preferred. Reidenberg also advised against using the word “successful.”

“‘Successful’ implies the person was successful, they achieved or accomplished something,” he noted.

‘They were crazy.’

“It is best to not say ‘they were crazy’ or ‘they must have been out of their mind to do that,’” Reidenberg said.

Again, avoid disparaging the person who has died, as this adds to the stigma around mental health struggles ― and also creates an uncomfortable environment for discussing the complicated emotions around grief.

“We should be mindful that any language that conveys judgment about the person who died or the suicide itself is likely to leave the griever feeling more alone with their grief and less likely that you will be a person they turn to as they try to understand what has happened and why,” Marshall said.

What to say and do instead

Remember, your grieving loved one is suffering immense pain that will come and go in waves. Speak to them from a place of honesty and sincerity ― and know you don’t have to have all the answers. There’s no one right thing to say in this situation.

“If we do not know what to say, but we feel that we should say or do something, a tender gesture of care may be better, such as sending flowers or a card,” Debiec said. “Admitting, ‘I don’t know what to say, but I am here for you and will be here for you if you need me,’ is better than reciting a prepared script. Our empathy will find its way to the person in grief.”

Continue showing up and reaching out. In addition to asking if there’s any way you can help, suggest specific things you can do.

“They may not be in a mindset to know how you can help exactly, so offering to help with concrete tasks like getting groceries, helping with child care, etc., can be very helpful,” Roy said.

Help them find professional support like individual or group therapy if they express interest. And, ultimately, the most important thing is just to be there.

“Social connection is a key protective factor against suicide, so if you know someone who has lost a loved one to suicide, keep showing up, reaching out, and being there for them,” Torguson said. “Letting them know that you care and are available to listen non-judgmentally can be exactly what they need in their time of grief.”

If you or someone you know needs help, dial 988 or call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You can also get support via text by visiting suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat. Outside of the U.S., please visit the International Association for Suicide Prevention for a database of resources.





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Can You Mix And Match For The COVID Bivalent Booster Shot?

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Pfizer and Moderna now both have new bivalent COVID booster shots that not only target the original strain of coronavirus, but also the highly contagious omicron subvariants that are dominant throughout the country.

These booster shots are readily available at pharmacies and doctor’s offices throughout the United States. You’re able to get one if you’re at least two months out from your last COVID shot or two months out from a COVID infection.

“[These] vaccines are widely available,” said Dr. Laolu Fayanju, an Ohio-based family medicine specialist with Oak Street Health. “We are a long way from the early days of 2021 when the vaccines were just rolling out.”

But if you notice that your local pharmacy only has one kind of shot available (either just Pfizer shots or just Moderna shots), do you need to look elsewhere to find the same shot maker you had last time? Here’s what to know:

Adults can get either bivalent booster.

According to Dr. Onyema Ogbuagu, an infectious diseases specialist and associate professor of medicine at the Yale School of Medicine, just like with the last COVID booster, you can get either the Pfizer shot or the Moderna shot no matter what shot you got for your primary vaccine series or your last booster.

“We’ve seen that there’s no harm from prior studies in mixing and matching mRNA [vaccines], they’re one in the same approach with subtle differences,” Ogbuagu said.

So, if your local pharmacy is only giving out shots of Pfizer, there is no reason to go search far and wide for Moderna — or vice versa. You’re good to get either shot. “Anyone should feel comfortable getting the Pfizer vaccine after Moderna and Moderna after Pfizer,” Ogbuagu said.

However, keep in mind that this only goes for people over the age of 18. The Moderna bivalent booster is not currently authorized for people age 12 to 17. Those age 12 to 17 can only get the Pfizer booster. Fayanju noted that it’s perfectly safe for people in this category to get the Pfizer booster even if they’ve only had Moderna shots previously.

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It’s safe for adults to get either the Moderna or Pfizer bivalent booster shot, no matter what COVID vaccine you had previously.

There may even be benefits to mixing and matching your shot.

Research conducted on previous booster shots showed that mixing and matching your vaccine manufacturer may provide a stronger immune response than sticking with the shot-maker you got originally. Experts suspect the same holds true for the bivalent shot.

Additionally, previous studies show that the Moderna vaccine produces a higher immune response than the Pfizer vaccine. This is likely because of the differences in the dosing of each shot. According to Ogbuagu, the Pfizer shot is 30 micrograms and the Moderna shot is 50 micrograms, “so there [are] differences in the number of antigens being used,” he said.

The higher dosage of the Moderna shot links it to this higher antibody response. But keep in mind that the overall amount of additional protection is nominal — both shots provide protection from severe outcomes like hospitalization and death.

If you got Johnson & Johnson for your primary vaccine, you’ll have to switch manufacturers for your booster.

It has also always been the recommendation that people who got the Johnson & Johnson vaccine follow it up with an mRNA booster, Ogbuagu said.

In the case of the bivalent booster, there is not a Johnson & Johnson equivalent, so it’s perfectly fine (and the only option) for those who got the Johnson & Johnson shot to get either the Pfizer or Moderna bivalent booster.

If you’re unsure, talk to your doctor.

Your physician will know what’s best for you based on your health history. For example, some doctors may encourage men ages 18 to 39 to get the Pfizer booster instead of Moderna if it’s available. In very rare cases, the Moderna vaccine caused temporary heart issues in men in this age group. But, according to the American Heart Association, contracting COVID-19 is way more likely to result in heart issues than the Moderna vaccine ― so it’s still a good idea for folks in this category to get the bivalent booster.

The bottom line is that both shots are excellent ways to protect yourself from the dominant omicron subvariants. You really can’t go wrong with either ― the best approach is to get whichever one you’re able to get ASAP.

Experts are still learning about COVID-19. The information in this story is what was known or available as of publication, but guidance can change as scientists discover more about the virus. Please check the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention for the most updated recommendations.





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3 Things To Consider Before Trying A Nonalcoholic Drink If You’re Sober

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In recent years, accessibility to nonalcoholic beverages has surged, and perhaps for good reason. The COVID-19 pandemic alone brought in a new wave of sober-curious people, amid a rise in alcohol consumption during the isolation of lockdowns.

To meet this shift, drinks like CBD-infused seltzers, zero-proof liquors, nonalcoholic wines and more have filled the shelves for those who are looking for party options without the buzz.

CBD drinks, for example, promise to take the edge off after consumption thanks to the properties in cannabidiol, a nonpsychoactive part of a cannabis plant that may promote a sense of relaxation. Nonalcoholic, or “NA,” beverages give sober folks a substitute for the drinks that many may have previously relied on in social settings.

But for those who have a difficult relationship with alcohol, are these alternatives really a solution? Or is the need for them a sign of something greater? Speaking to HuffPost, substance misuse experts and people who are sober shared a few questions to consider if you’re turning to these beverages when you give up drinking:

1. What’s my motive for drinking nonalcoholic beers, wines or cocktails?

A recurring topic that occurs in 12-step substance misuse recovery meetings is motive. What is your motive for doing X vs Y? The spectrum of answers may range from attending a wedding to visiting a bar with nonsober friends.

Some may feel uncomfortable around their peers who still drink. It is hard to socialize without booze when you’ve become so accustomed to having a drink in hand to feel normal. Some may find solace in nonalcoholic beverages to put on the facade that they are still drinking, perhaps because they haven’t fully disclosed the change to friends. Others may insist that they are just taking a break from alcohol for health reasons.

Whatever the case may be, it is important to acknowledge what the motive is for wanting to indulge in nonalcoholic drinks in the first place and to address that. Those in recovery need to examine whether the motive behind drinking the nonalcoholic beverage is potentially detrimental to their sobriety.

“I feel as if you should be fully abstinent for the first two years of sobriety,” said Ashley Loeb Blassingame, a co-founder of an online substance abuse counseling program named Lionrock Recovery, noting that these kinds of problems “aren’t substance-specific.”

“Then, check your motives to see if the desire for an NA beverage is still there,” she continued.

If the desire is still there and you decide to try an NA beverage, think about why you are doing it. Is something missing in your sobriety? Is your recovery checklist in order?

“How much do you like the taste of a NA beverage? Or do you like it because it tastes similar to alcohol?” Blassingame said.

If drinking a beverage that tastes similar to alcohol could be triggering, it is important to have a plan in order. In recovery, the idea of a true nonalcoholic beverage is alluring, and with so many new options becoming available, it is OK to wonder about them. Just make sure you are valuing your sobriety more than anything and not becoming a victim of surreptitious marketing.

If you’re sober-curious but not dealing with an addiction, full abstinence might not be totally necessary right now. In those circumstances, practicing moderation tactics ― like drinking NA beverages ― is a good entryway into the recovery world.

For both those in recovery and those who are sober-curious, it is important to have a network in place — people you can rely on in a time of need or bounce questions off without fear of judgment, according to Blassingame.

Henrik Sorensen via Getty Images

Consider your motive when deciding whether to try a CBD-infused or nonalcoholic drink.

2. Do the drinks I’m choosing contain traces of alcohol?

The reality is that many nonalcoholic beverages include small amounts of alcohol. This is known as a low alcohol by volume, or ABV.

A sober-curious individual partaking in these alternative beverages is different from someone in recovery doing so. The former may look at these options as healthier choices. The latter has more at stake, with the consumption of low-ABV drinks potentially igniting the craving for something stronger.

If you’re in recovery, be mindful of the ingredient list for anything you’re consuming, experts told HuffPost. This does not mean diligently checking every household item, but it is good to be aware of what is in your food and beverages, as well as how certain ingredients can affect you. Beverages like kombucha have an ABV of 0.5%, and while that may not be enough to even remotely affect some, others may feel a buzz due to overconsumption.

Check the alcohol volume in drinks you’re choosing. Then ask yourself why you may want them — and be radically honest about it.

3. Does this align with my definition of sobriety?

Sobriety isn’t one-size-fits-all, and this applies to the beverages people choose to consume, according to Trey Laird, the CEO and founder of a sober living facility in Connecticut known as The Lighthouse.

“I have worked with clients who have tried both nonalcoholic drinks and CBD. For some of them, it has a purpose, and I don’t judge them,” Laird said, adding that people in recovery who drink them should disclose this to someone they trust beforehand.

He warned, however, that these beverages can become a slippery slope in some cases. Some of his clients have reported drinking one bottle of O’Doul’s, which in turn leads to drinking a six-pack to feel a slight buzz. In Laird’s personal recovery, he hasn’t found the need to indulge in nonalcoholic drinks.

“For me, I have been sober since 2011 and have gone this long without trying a nonalcoholic beer or wine,” he said.

Lindsey Metselaar, the host of the dating and relationship podcast “We Met at Acme,” feels similar to Laird in terms of her own recovery. She isn’t interested in trying nonalcoholic drinks, and she argued that the consumption of CBD products in recovery is unnecessary and does not equal sobriety.

The distinction needs to be clearly defined for you, Blassingame said. In her opinion, the term “sober” implies recovery in the traditional sense, which can include meetings, therapy and more.

“It is the difference between someone running a marathon [on occasion] … versus an endurance athlete,” she said, noting that to her, sobriety and recovery imply complete abstinence from all mood and mind-altering substances ― even drinks like CBD-infused beverages or low-ABV beer alternatives.

The sober-curious, however, may think of the change as just abstaining from drinking, with the option to either maintain that or consume alcohol when they want.

Decide what aligns with your needs for your relationship with alcohol, and then make an informed decision about whether drinking alternative beverages will fit into those plans, the experts said. And no matter what, make sure you’re relying on a support system to guide you through it.

Need help with substance use disorder or mental health issues? In the U.S., call 800-662-HELP (4357) for the SAMHSA National Helpline.





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Drinking Multiple Cups Of Coffee Is Linked To Better Heart Health

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If you’re a one-coffee-per-day drinker, it may be time to up your intake.

A new study shows that drinking multiple cups of coffee every day is linked with better heart health and an overall reduction in death.

The roughly 12.5-year study, which was published in the European Journal of Preventive Cardiology, explored the impact coffee had on the health of 449,563 adults age 40 to 69 with no history of cardiovascular issues.

Study participants were split into groups — people who drank zero cups of coffee each day, less than one cup, one cup, two to three cups, four to five cups, and more than five cups. This information was gathered via a questionnaire that also included a question about the kind of coffee they drink — those options were instant, ground or decaffeinated coffee.

Those who drank coffee were compared to non-coffee drinkers to determine the study results.

Coffee was found to help heart health and led to a reduced risk of death overall.

After adjusting for cardiovascular risk factors like high blood pressure, diabetes, alcohol consumption, smoking status and obesity, it was found that, across the board, drinking multiple cups of coffee benefits your health.

First, people who drank two to three cups of either instant, ground or decaf coffee experienced a lower risk of death overall when compared with people who don’t drink coffee. The largest decrease came from ground coffee, which showed a 27% lower risk of death. Decaf came in at 14% and instant coffee came in at 11%.

Next, a reduction in cardiovascular disease, which the study defined as heart failure, coronary heart disease and stroke, was found for people who drank two to three cups of coffee each day. Ground coffee once again saw the highest risk reduction at 20%, followed by instant at 9% and decaf at 6%.

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Certain kinds of coffee are linked to a decrease in negative cardiovascular events like congestive heart failure and stroke.

The last thing the study measured was a reduction in arrhythmias, also known as irregular heartbeat. In this portion of the study, the results differed from other results. People who drank four to five (not two to three) cups of ground or instant coffee each day saw a reduction in arrhythmias — and there was no reduction for people who drank decaf coffee.

This study has a few limitations: Information regarding the number of cups of coffee consumed each day was self-reported and that information was collected at the start of the study. So, the study authors would not know if someone changed their daily intake of coffee or the kind of coffee they consumed over the roughly 12.5-year study.

Other studies have also shown that coffee has health benefits.

But even with those factors considered, coffee, when consumed within reason and without lots of added sugar and creamer, has been known to be good for your health. Coffee has anti-inflammatory properties and is known to reduce the risk of Type 2 diabetes. Plus, it wakes you up.

And caffeine, when consumed within the recommended guidelines (adults can consume up to 400 milligrams of caffeine each day) is connected to many health benefits. It “stimulates the central nervous system,” according to the American Heart Association, and is linked to a lower risk of Parkinson’s Disease, according to Johns Hopkins Medicine.

So, if you’re questioning that second or third cup of coffee, go ahead and fill your mug. That cup of coffee probably has health benefits, anyway.





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Can Decorating For Fall Make You Happier? Experts Weigh In.

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Have you ever just looked at a display of pumpkins, gourds and Halloween lights at a neighbor’s house (or even in your own home) and felt instantly happier? Well, there’s a scientific explanation for that.

Joy doesn’t have to come from big gestures or monumental days; it can come from little moments, too. It’s important to have things that we find pleasurable incorporated into our lives throughout the year, said Dr. Elaina DellaCava, a psychiatrist at New York’s Weill Cornell Medicine and NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital.

For many people, one of those pleasures is the simple act of decorating for fall. Experts told HuffPost why decorating for the season may benefit your mental health.

The colors of fall can evoke happy feelings.

“Colors can influence our mood and can actually create a surge of dopamine, which is our happiness hormone,” DellaCava said.

A 2020 study found that the color orange ― often seen in popular fall decorations like pumpkins, autumn leaves and Halloween string lights ― is more associated with joy and overall positive feelings. So, those pumpkins on your table may actually make you happier when you catch a glimpse of them.

The same research also showed that yellow, another popular color for fall home decor, is associated with feelings of joy and amusement.

Traditions can remind us of good times and give us something to look forward to.

Whether you realize it or not, decorating for fall every year means that you officially have a decorating tradition. And this is a good thing for your mental health.

“Traditions give us something to look forward to,” DellaCava said.

In general, she noted, traditions are often associated with feeling close to family or friends. (Examples might include your Friendsgiving celebration or apple picking with your kids.) Annual decorating may connect you with neighbors who are doing it as well, or it may even be a fun yearly activity for your family or roommates.

These traditions can also be something that you’ve carried on from your childhood and call up memories of an innocent, fun time in your life, when you would go trick-or-treating with friends or carving pumpkins with siblings.

“Decorating for fall is a way to reconnect us with that part of ourselves,” DellaCava said.

And traditions can create some predictability in an unpredictable world.

The point of a tradition is that it happens at the same time every year. So, traditions give us a sense of predictability in our lives — but in an exciting way, DellaCava said.

Kim Gorgens, a clinical professor in the Graduate School of Professional Psychology at the University of Denver, added that humans are habitual creatures who thrive on control.

“The illusions we have about having control over every controllable aspect of our lives really fuels mental stability,” Gorgens said.

Ultimately, we have very little control of our lives, she added — you can’t dictate major things like health issues or layoffs — but our physical environment plays a large part in our perception of control. In other words, we can control the organization of our kitchen cabinets or, in this case, the decorations we put on the windowsill.

Additionally, when we decorate at a certain point every year, we feel in control of time in relation to that activity, Gorgens added.

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The colors of fall decor — oranges and yellows — are often associated with happy emotions.

Decorating for fall allows us to benchmark our time.

Between back-to-school season and the end of beach vacations, fall signifies a new chapter for many people. But adults who are no longer in school have little to mark this change.

“There are interesting models of why time feels like it goes so much faster as we get older, and one of the explanatory models is we lose benchmarks,” Gorgens said.

As children, we get to look forward to learning to drive, getting to vote or being old enough to drink alcohol. “We have all of these big developmental milestones, and then we lose that,” Gorgens said.

This is where the seasonal decor comes in. “Fall is one way we are benchmarked to the passage of time,” Gorgens added.

And beyond just a change in the weather, having your home reflect the new season makes it much more of a benchmark.

Fall decorations give us a reason to celebrate our homes.

“We’re not unlike other mammals who make a den,” Gorgens said. “We are really invested in our space.”

What’s more, having a home, particularly a safe home, plays a huge role in our mental health, she noted. This goes back to psychologist Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, a theory about how certain fundamental necessities dictate our motivation and behavior. In this hierarchy, “the most important foundational component of well-being is having a safe home space,” Gorgens said.

So, when you have a home base (whether that’s a house, apartment, bedroom or other space), being able to decorate it for the time of year is a way of — knowingly or not — celebrating that place.

For those who recently left an unsafe situation, decorating their own space can be a crucial way to celebrate that victory, Gorgens added. This also rings true for anyone who recently purchased a home or moved into their first apartment.

“It’s a way of making really obvious the emotional investment you make in a home,” Gorgens said.

Between the pandemic and colder weather, we’re home more during the fall, which puts more importance on our space.

“Since the pandemic started, a lot of us are spending even more time [at] home,” DellaCava said, referring to the COVID-19 crisis. We’re working from home, commuting less and traveling less.

Plus, the days are shorter in the fall, so you’re more likely to be home in the evenings, DellaCava noted.

“More than ever, it’s helpful if our home feels like a place that feels relaxing, comfortable … [and] inviting,” she said.

When you decorate your space in a way that’s visually appealing, it will help your mood — especially when you’re stuck at home and dealing with loneliness or anxiety (two feelings that can come with the arrival of an earlier sunset).

“Decorations can make you feel connected with times you remember fondly, and that can help your mood and general sense of well-being,” DellaCava said.

In the end, going home to a cheerful space will only help your emotional well-being.

But with less sunlight, fall can be a tough time for many.

Seasonal affective disorder impacts millions of people every year. And while it exists in the spring and summer, it’s more associated with the fall and winter — seasons with fewer hours of sunlight and a higher production of the sleep hormone melatonin in our bodies.

If you have a hard time feeling excited about the arrival of fall, try to celebrate the season from time to time, Gorgens said. Practicing mindfulness, celebrating change and benchmarking the passage of time are all expert-backed recommendations for people who have difficulty with the colder seasons, she added.

For you, celebrating the season could mean sitting down with a mug of tea and your favorite movie. Or, it could mean putting on your favorite fleece sweatshirt and heading out for an autumn hike. You don’t necessarily have to put up ghostly decor for Halloween or adorn your stoop with pumpkins. Whatever it means to you, leaning into the season can make the shift a little easier, Gorgens noted.

Additionally, if you notice that your mood is consistently lower throughout the season and a cup of tea or fall hike isn’t helping, reaching out to a therapist could be a good idea, DellaCava stressed. And if you usually look forward to decorating for fall but can’t be bothered this year, that could also indicate a need to talk to someone.

For some people, the arrival of this new season is exciting, but for others, it’s a hard time of year. Just remember that there is help out there for those who need it.





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If You Have These Oral Problems, You Probably Need To Floss More

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Picture this: You’re at the dentist for your checkup. You think your pearly whites are perfect since you brush two times a day with a quality toothpaste, but then the dentist asks, “Have you been flossing?”

If you’re like me, you probably lie through your teeth (literally). However, you may want to think twice about skipping over the floss during your brushing routine the next time. It may cause problems with your teeth that could be easily prevented just by adding a little extra time to your dental hygiene routine every day.

Curious how? Here are seven problems you may experience if you don’t floss, according to dentists:

Bleeding Gums

If you’re brushing your teeth and you notice that your gums are bleeding, that could indicate that you’re not flossing enough.

If you don’t floss regularly, plaque builds up and can cause gingivitis, or inflammation of the gums,” said Dr. Lilya Horowitz, a dentist at Domino Dental in New York. “Signs of this include red, swollen or bleeding gums. If this isn’t treated, the plaque will continue to build up and cause gum disease.”

Dr. Gary Liu, a pediatric dentist at Kind Smiles in California, said that gum disease can also increase a person’s risk for heart disease and complications during pregnancy.

Some other reasons your gums may be bleeding are if you’re brushing too hard, taking blood thinners or wearing dentures that don’t fit properly. If you notice that this is an ongoing problem, you’ll want to visit your dentist as soon as possible to get that looked at.

Bad Breath

Halitosis is the scientific name for “bad breath,” and the most common culprit is poor dental hygiene, which may include a lack of flossing.

“The most common cause of bad breath is waste from bacteria and dead skin cells and food particles in the mouth,” said Dr. Brian Harris, a dentist and the lead medical adviser for Snow and Frost Oral Care. “Flossing allows you to remove such particles, which will give you fresh breath and increased self-confidence.”

Tooth Loss

You may think that baby teeth are the only ones that fall out. However, for those who don’t floss enough, tooth loss could still become a reality.

Without flossing, your teeth can become loose, fall out or need to be removed by a dentist after decay,” Horowitz said.

Tooth loss is more common in men and those older than 35. It can also stem from having high blood pressure, diabetes or rheumatoid arthritis, and those are issues you and your dentist will want to rule out before assuming that this problem is solely caused by lack of flossing.

Cavities

From a young age, you were probably told to stay away from sugar and soda because it would give you cavities. Though that’s not totally out of the question, cavities can also be caused by not flossing enough.

“If you don’t floss regularly, plaque will form between the teeth, and the bacteria in the plaque can turn sugar from food and drinks into acid, which can slowly eat away at the teeth, causing a cavity,” Harris said.

Tartar Buildup

Tartar, also known as dental calculus, develops when leftover food particles mix with bacteria in the mouth. If you’ve started to notice a yellowish-brown buildup around your teeth, that could be from not flossing enough.

Tartar builds up when plaque remains between the teeth for an extended period of time,” Liu said.

Moyo Studio via Getty Images

Flossing regularly can help improve your overall health.

How To Start Flossing Properly

Liu recommended flossing directly after brushing your teeth so the fluoride in the toothpaste can be flossed between the teeth. To do it properly, break off about 18 inches of floss and wind each end around your middle fingers. Then hold the ends between your thumbs and forefingers. Pull the floss taut. Guide the floss between each of your teeth and use a gentle rubbing motion.

The type of floss you use matters, too, Liu said. Here are some you may want to consider:

  • Thread floss, like this Up & Up floss, is easy to use to glide in between the teeth. This type of floss is often coated with a light wax.
  • On the other hand, unwaxed floss can help to remove plaque, and it is slightly thicker. This one from CVS Health is a well-reviewed option.
  • Dental tape can be a thicker and broader floss that doesn’t fray or break as easily. This option from CVS Health is good for people with wider spacing between the teeth.
  • Super floss, like this option by Oral-B, usually has stiffer sections on each end, so it can be guided between teeth, braces or dental bridges more easily.
  • Biodegradable and natural floss, like this floss by Tree Bird, is easier on the environment. These can be made of silk and waxed with plant-derived candelilla wax.

Finally, while flossing more can be good for most people, not everyone should floss regularly. Horowitz said that those with orthopedic implants shouldn’t go too hard with flossing.

Additionally, you’ll want to schedule regular visits to your dentist, who can rule out any underlying infections and issues that may not be attributed to lack of flossing (oral cancer, tartar buildup, tooth decay, etc.).

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Many Third-Generation Latinos Don’t Speak Spanish. They’re Tired Of Being Judged For It.

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As a child, Prizzilla Greer often felt caught in the middle of a cultural tug of war because she didn’t speak Spanish.

Growing up in Murrieta and Temecula, wine-producing suburbs about an hour and a half outside of Los Angeles, Spanish seemed nonexistent, she told HuffPost.

“For the most part, the majority of our peers were white,” Greer said.

But in the confines of her home, Greer received mixed messaging on the importance of being bilingual. Greer was born to a Mexican-American mother and a Mexican father who was granted amnesty during Ronald Reagan’s time in office. While her dad was adamant that she’d only speak English, her maternal grandmother had other ideas.

“Our grandmother, who we call ‘buela,’ short for abuela, wanted us to learn Spanish, and would speak it to us or try to teach us against our dad’s wishes,” she said.

Her mom would have preferred the kids be bilingual, too, but Greer said her dad feared that if they were, or if they had even a hint of a Spanish accent, “they would endure the same kind of abuse from white Americans” as he did as a kid growing up in the states.

Even soccer was off limits for Greer and her siblings: Football was fine, fútbol wasn’t.

“He wanted to avoid all Mexican stereotypes for us, so he’d encourage all-American sports like football or baseball,” said Greer, who’s now 29 and lives in Tacoma, Washington, with her husband and two kids.

Since then, Greer’s attempts to learn Spanish have come in fits and starts: She tried taking it in high school, but it was Peninsular Spanish (Spanish spoken in Spain) and as a teen, she had trouble seeing the value in that particular dialect.

While stationed in Germany during her time in the U.S. Army, Greer tried Duolingo and Rosetta Stone, but again, it didn’t quite stick. Years later, she still hopes to learn the language once and for all.

“I feel like it’s a chunk of my identity that was missing growing up in a conservative, white space,” she said.

But what’s equally frustrating for Greer is the judgment she receives from others in the Latino American community for her lack of Spanish fluency. The criticism and cattiness is especially common online.

“The judgement has been more in recent years because social media has made it a thing to harass Latinos who don’t speak Spanish,” she said. “Now, I have to tell the world that I’m not white, because apparently now if you’re Mexican-American and don’t speak Spanish, it means you’re white.”

Courtesy of Prizzilla Greer

As a Mexican-American who doesn’t speak Spanish, Prizzilla Greer often feels judged. “The judgement has been more in recent years because social media has made it a thing to harass Latinos who don’t speak Spanish,” she said. “Now, I have to tell the world that I’m not white, because apparently now if you’re Mexican-American and don’t speak Spanish, it means you’re white.”

That’s a familiar Catch-22 for Latinos in the U.S.: You’re told to exclusively speak English in order to assimilate and get a better paying job, only to be judged by your community ― and sometimes other family members ― for not being “Latino enough” as a monolingual English speaker. It’s marginalization on top of marginalization.

“That bothers me because my experience growing up hasn’t been that I was a white-passing or white person,” Greer said. “If that was the case, other Mexicans wouldn’t have thought they could speak to me in Spanish. If that was the case, I wouldn’t have been ‘the Mexican friend’ for my white friends. I would’ve just been their friend.”

If that was the case, she thinks her father wouldn’t have felt that outsized fear of his daughter speaking the family’s native tongue.

Because of the desire to assimilate — and in some cases, generational trauma — it’s common for third-generation Latinos to exclusively speak English.

Greer is one of many third generation Latino-Americans who don’t speak Spanish. Recent Pew Research Center studies have found that while about half of second-generation self-identified Latino are bilingual, fewer than a quarter of third generation Latinos speak Spanish.

Others are “receptive bilinguals,” meaning they can understand more of a language than they can speak it.

In spite of the numbers, the “must speak Spanish” litmus test still plagues the third-gen community, said Carmen Fought, a professor of linguistics at Pitzer College and author of “Chicano English in Context, Language and Ethnicity, and Language and Gender in Children’s Animated Film.”

“When I did my research in East LA, several of the monolingual English speakers that I spoke with said that people teased them about it and said ‘you’re not really Mexican,’ particularly among girls,” Fought said.

“Growing up in the Bay Area, I felt like an imposter, or that I wasn’t ‘Latinx-enough’ to speak a language. I was intimidated, and still am, about my English accent.”

– Robin D. López, a Mexican-American ecologist who lives in Albany, California

At school and at home, “English-only” may be drilled into you but eventually, the gatekeeping comes from outside, too. That’s especially true in the workforce, according to Laura K. Muñoz, an assistant professor of history and ethnic studies at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln.

“Gatekeeping often comes from employers who expect every Latinx to be fluent English and Spanish speakers, which is ironic given the history of English-only and Americanization in our public schools,” the professor told HuffPost.

English-only proponents ― and some native Spanish-speaking parents ― worry that concurrently learning two languages will hinder kids’ English language acquisition. Research suggests otherwise, though; one 2019 University of Washington study suggested that exposure to multiple languages may make it easier to learn one.

For other parents, discouraging their kids from speaking Spanish is a by-product of having been punished for speaking the language in school. If you hear, “This is America, we speak English here” enough times, you’re bound to take the scolding to heart and pass it down to successive generations.

“There were even ‘Spanish detention slips’ in Los Angeles schools for a long time,” Fought said. “I just had a teacher tell me it still happens sometimes. They just call it something different like ‘disturbing the other students by speaking in class.’”

This issue became a minor news item in the 2020 Democratic Party presidential primaries, when candidate and third-generation Mexican-American Julián Castro was pressed on why he didn’t speak Spanish ― especially while a white guy like fellow candidate Beto O’Rourke did.

While his grandma encouraged bilingualism, his parents feared their kids would be penalized for speaking Spanish in class just like they were, he explained.

As his brother, Texas congressman Joaquin Castro, said last year in an interview with KSAT-TV, “it really is just a generation of people who had a language literally beaten out of them in our school system.”

“It’s so tragic and unfortunate because it was not only the loss of a language, but also partly the loss of a culture,” he added.

The Castro brothers’ story was deeply felt by many. Ultimately, “[their] monoglot experience is just as authentic — and even more uniquely American,” Mexican-American essayist John Paul Brammer wrote in The Washington Post during the election.

Robin D. López, a Mexican-American ecologist who lives in Albany, California, is sure his family’s Spanish language abandonment is a result of generational trauma and the drive to assimilate as quickly and seamlessly as possible. (In López’s family, only his grandparents natively speak Spanish.)

His grandpa could never forget his uncle Antonio, an immigrant who was killed trying to start a new life in Riverbank, California, in the 1940s.

“He was a Mexican who dared dream of building generational wealth for his family,” López said. “His body was left blocks away from the family home in the Stanislaus River in 1945.”

“My grandfather was still just a child at the time,” he added. “I’d imagine that experience played a significant role in ensuring his descendants assimilated for survival.”

When it came to López knowing and learning Spanish, lack of exposure wasn’t an issue. He was raised in Richmond, California, and spent much of his youth working in Oakland communities with high populations of displaced people from Latin America as well as first generation folks who grew up speaking Spanish.

By the time he got up the nerve to learn Spanish on his own, López told HuffPost he’d already internalized that he was inadequate. Just imagining stumbling over a language he felt like he “should” be well-versed in from the get-go left him deeply self-conscious.

“Growing up in the Bay Area, I felt like an imposter, or that I wasn’t ‘Latinx-enough’ to speak a language,” he said. “I was intimidated, and still am, about my English accent.”

“Everyone usually spoke Spanish around me, but I also had a negative stereotype projected onto me,” he said. “I had the idea embedded into me that speaking Spanish could be weaponized against me, since our grandparents, particularly my mother’s father, have witnessed and experienced the abuse towards Spanish-speaking families.”

López’s dad eventually taught himself Spanish, but given his schedule working multiple jobs to provide for the family, he didn’t have much time to teach his kids. López, who has since learned Spanish himself enough to carry a conversation, doesn’t hold any of that against his dad.

“My dad does have regrets about not being able to teach his kids, but that’s not a fault or burden he should carry,” he said. “Not teaching the following generations Spanish was more or less a survival mechanism for our elders, to protect us.”

Robin D. López with his father, grandfather and other relatives when he was six months old, and López today.

Courtesy of Robin D. López

Robin D. López with his father, grandfather and other relatives when he was six months old, and López today.

Fought, the linguistics professor, noted the inherent racism involved in discouraging speaking Spanish in the classroom.

“Imagine the difference between parents who speak Spanish or Cantonese and parents who speak French and come from Paris,” she said.

In the first case, “everyone worries that the kid won’t learn English and if they speak the other language at school, they may get teased or bullied,” Fought said. “They may be embarrassed to hear their parents speak it around their friends.”

In the latter case, Fought said everyone would be saying, “Oh, your mom is French, that’s so cool; it’s such a beautiful language.”

In some cases, the judgement over spotty Spanish-speaking comes from within a family.

Marisa Martín, a 26-year-old who lives in California’s Central Valley, is half Mexican and half German. Her dad, the Mexican half of the parental equation, speaks fluent Spanish and her mom is conversational in Spanish.

Growing up, Martín’s grandma babysat and tried to instill Spanish in her, but Martín rejected the lessons with all the stubbornness and defiance you’d expect of a toddler.

“I regret not learning then so much,” she told HuffPost. “I can understand and speak some Spanish, but it’s nowhere close to fluent.”

Because of that ― and because she’s part white ― Martín often feels like she has imposter syndrome within her own family, who talk a mile a minute and by and large don’t repeat themselves for Martín’s benefit.

“Some of my family is very loving and accepting, but others are not and have certainly made it known that they feel I’m not as Mexican as they are,” she said.

“The latter group will even go so far as to speak complicated sentences in Spanish directly to me in order to humiliate me because they know I don’t understand them,” she explained. “Keep in mind, my entire Mexican family speaks English fluently and has no need to speak to me in Spanish.”

Looking at the Pew stats, Martín is heartened to know that there are other third-gen Mexican-American in a “similar linguistic boat as me.”

Marisa Martín is half Mexican and sometimes feels judged by her family for not being "Mexican enough" or speaking Spanish fluently.

Courtesy of Marisa Martín

Marisa Martín is half Mexican and sometimes feels judged by her family for not being “Mexican enough” or speaking Spanish fluently.

Still, it saddens her to think how their stories are often discounted, swept under the table or unfairly judged.

“I’m fortunate to live in California where there are an abundance of Mexicans and Hispanics, but I know in many other parts of the U.S. and world, people have a preconceived notion of what a Mexican should look and sound like,” she said.

When someone feels ― or is made to feel inferior― about the language(s) they speak (or don’t speak) and the way that they speak them, it’s what linguists describe as “linguistic insecurity.”

“‘Speaking Spanish’ is a moving target for immigrants’ children, who are criticized by their own families and communities for not sounding ‘like a native speaker,’ regardless of how well they do speak and understand Spanish, and how this leads to anxiety, linguistic insecurity and a questioning of identity,” said Amelia Tseng, an assistant professor of linguistics and Spanish at American University in Washington, D.C.

“Unfortunately, heritage speakers often receive criticism of their language abilities from all sides, which they internalize as a personal failing,” she said.

Ultimately, language is only one aspect of cultural identity.

Each third-gen person we spoke to for this article wants to learn or is in the process of learning Spanish. López wants to learn mostly because when his grandfather was dying, it crushed him to know how much he’d never know about the patriarch’s life and memories all because of a language barrier.

But each person we spoke to also has complicated feelings about the in-community pressure to pass a Spanish test in order to be considered Latino.

López, for instance, knows that his work within the Latinx community is worth more than using the right preposition in Spanish and remembering that it’s “gracias por…” not “gracias par.”

“In spite of the language barriers at times, I’ve worked hard in advocacy spaces and with grass-root organizations to protect our vulnerable community members in my hometown of Richmond, California,” he said. “I’ve also done photography gigs as a local freelance photographer to highlight the beauty of our culture and the ways in which we celebrate our intersectionality of existence.”

Most recently, he decided to run for local elected office for Albany City Council. López said he hopes to champion progressive policies, while also serving to represent the growing Latinx population in the area.

“Not speaking Spanish has its challenges, but it doesn’t prevent a person from representing our culture and people,” he said.

“The fact that we continue to embrace ourselves as Latinxs is what really matters, whether we speak Spanish, English, or both.”

– Laura K. Muñoz, an assistant professor of history and ethnic studies at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln

Greer hopes that people who blame third-generation Latinos for not speaking their parent’s language will try to see the nuance involved in situations like theirs.

“It wasn’t our choice,” she said. “Everyone says you can always learn, but it’s extremely difficult to learn another language after those early years of childhood, and some of us have learning disabilities or ADHD, like myself.”

Plus, she said, “if we’re really going to go there, Spanish isn’t even our language, it’s the language of our Spanish colonizers.”

Ultimately, language is only one aspect of cultural identity, said Muñoz, the ethnic studies professor.

“If we choose not to teach our children Spanish, but teach them everything else that we believe is relevant, then that’s what matters,” she said. “We get to decide what counts.”

American historian Vicki Ruiz has written that Chicano immigrants and their children “pick, borrow and retain” elements of their home culture. Muñoz looks at today’s third-gen Latino Americans and sees them doing the exact same thing.

“In a society that has proactively attempted to quash our language and our Latinidad, the fact that we continue to embrace ourselves as Latinxs is what really matters, whether we speak Spanish, English, or both,” she said.





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How Long Does COVID Immunity Last With The New Bivalent Booster?

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In anticipation of a fall and winter surge in COVID cases, new bivalent booster shots are available to anyone older than 12 (or 18 and up if you opt for Moderna instead of Pfizer).

The latest jab protects against the highly transmissible omicron variant while also bumping up protection against the original strain of COVID-19.

If you are at least two months out from your last COVID vaccine or a COVID infection, you can get the booster now. If you were just recently vaccinated or infected, your timeline is a little different.

Either way, it’s important to get this new COVID shot, which can prevent you from severe outcomes, including hospitalization or death, throughout the fall and winter seasons. Just how long will this new shot protect you overall, though? Experts weigh in.

It’s not yet known how long immunity lasts after the new shot, but experts have some theories.

For now, there’s no exact timeline for how long immunity persists after getting the booster, according to Dr. Andy Pekosz, co-director of the Center of Excellence for Influenza Research and Response at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health. This is because the vaccine is new — it was authorized at the end of August by the Food and Drug Administration.

“It’s important to note that there are lots of studies that are measuring” the immunity timeline, he said ― and many of those studies are happening now.

One study published in the New England Journal of Medicine found that this new shot’s protection lasted at least a month (but it likely lasts longer than that, since the study has measured only a month so far). Additionally, previous studies of other bivalent COVID vaccines showed that immunity lasted about six months.

In time, experts will know how long immunity lasts, but for now, that information is still coming.

Experts have no reason to believe immunity wanes any faster than with previous boosters, so it could last four to six months.

Just how long you’re protected after a COVID booster shot varies from person to person, and it has also rapidly changed as new COVID mutations emerge that can evade antibodies. But generally after previous COVID shots, you were protected for about four to six months.

Both Pekosz and Dr. Benjamin Abramoff, On/Go medical adviser and founder and director of Penn Medicine’s Post-COVID Assessment and Recovery Clinic, said there is no reason to believe your immunity will wane any sooner after this new booster.

“Everything we know about boosters for COVID, as well as for other vaccines, is that you’ll strengthen the long-term immunity ― the memory immunity ― with a booster,” Pekosz said.

In other words, you’re adding on to the immunity you already have from the original vaccine series, the booster, and, for many people, from prior COVID infections, too.

The next time your body sees the virus, you’ll develop a faster and stronger immune response, Pekosz said. “That’s a principle that has shown to be true with other [boosters], and we assume therefore it will be true for this as well.”

This memory immunity also contributes to how quickly you’re protected after vaccination, too. Pekosz said that 10 to 14 days after you get this booster, your antibodies should fully kick in.

SDI Productions via Getty Images

Experts are still learning exactly how long you’re protected from COVID after this new booster shot.

Experts are confident that this booster provides strong protection against the dominant strains of COVID.

“The whole purpose of the new COVID booster is to provide more robust immunity to the current strains of COVID that are in the United States,” Abramoff said. Those strains are the highly contagious BA.4 and BA.5 omicron subvariants but could also be past and future strains of the same omicron lineage.

When looking ahead to winter and the holiday season, this booster shot is intended to produce a strong immune response that, hopefully, prevents a spike in infections and protects folks from severe illness during that time, Abramoff noted.

Remember that the booster is part of a multi-pronged approach to reducing infections.

Even though this booster provides better protection against omicron, you still need to follow public health advice to stay healthy.

“Be cognizant of your symptoms, test if you feel like you may be sick [so] you’re not spreading the virus further,” Abramoff said. “It’s not enough to take the booster without other precautions.”

“Vaccines are [part] of a triple approach: It’s vaccines, testing and antivirals that together really give us the best safety blanket [for] reducing severe disease,” Pekosz added.

If you end up getting sick, it’s not enough to rely on your vaccine for protection. You need to stay home, isolate and talk to your doctor if you fall into a high-risk category. That way you’re protecting yourself and your loved ones from developing severe disease.

Experts are still learning about COVID-19. The information in this story is what was known or available as of publication, but guidance can change as scientists discover more about the virus. Please check the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention for the most updated recommendations.





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